mxolisi dolla sapeta

master  

 

whiteness is always hiding

behind the dark, behind the death

do you want death?

do you want the shadow or do you want blacks?

no i dare not,

​

everybody wants white because it chases the shadow;

it chases the widow and the blacks

my master is white - my teacher is white - my church is white

and i don’t want the widow and the shadow and the blacks

master rapes my mother when i sleep

and he gives me food in the morning

i love master!

                        

the morning is always thick; my eyes are thick in the morning

i want to sleep and wait for mother to give me food

and i love the sun and food

i hate the morning because father

always wants to beat me in the morning

i want sun and mother;

mother makes me happy and i eat all the food

master makes me work in the garden

and he beats father behind the field

sometimes master rapes father too, sometimes he rapes me

master is a rapist and he hides behind

the widow and shadow and blacks

but i love master ─

 

i know you want to write a story and i won’t allow that

i don’t want a story and i don’t want all your bad stories

i don’t want you to press a button to tell my story because you lie

your teeth make you lie

your eyes make you bad

and your white smile makes you rape everything

my friend will come at night, my friend is the shadow

my friend does not want your bad stories when mother sleeps

but father wants your stories in the night

father is bad too ─

 

father and master are big thieves

and they chase each other when mother sleeps

i see those two big thieves from the window

wearing masks and chasing each other every night

master hates father and father hates master

but they smile when they see mother

 

father rapes mother too

and he does not give me food like master

i want mother to smother father with her big pie

because father likes mother’s big pie

master likes mother’s big pie too, she must smother master too,

those two rapist thieves!

but mother loves the two rapists;

she always gives them her big pie and cries in the morning

i love mother ─

 

i always see mother tearing apart,

always in the morning with her tears

i want to wipe them with my bare soul

but father wants to drink the tears and get drunk

father is always drunk and hides his food,

mother cries and gives me food

master never cries or gets drunk or smiles

master speaks like a good man but master has a big gun

he wants to shoot father ─

father speaks like a hero but he wants to be like master

i don’t want to be like father or master

i want to be like mother but i won’t give them my big pie

no! i don’t have a big pie like mother,

i won’t be raped and cry in the morning

i won’t be like mother ─

 

father keeps coming home to hide from master,

master wants father all the time

i hate looking at them from my window ─

master leading with a whip in hand

father follows him carrying his own tears in two full bags

father does not drink his own tears

i know when father and master die i will be a good man

but i won’t drink my own tears like mother

i think she choked and drowned in her own tears

for master and for father ─ i won’t die like that

i will take master’s big gun and shoot him even if he is dead

father too!

i will hunt both of them inside their graves

and kill them again and again

maybe mother can wake then, mother, oh dear mother

i didn’t know who to blame,

but i wanted to blame someone for you

i wanted to blame father but i sleep well when i blame master

it was all his fault, the rapes, the tears and the beatings